Dear Will Ferrel & Dear Mark Wahlberg,

I want to thank you for your 2010 buddy cop action comedy The Other Guys. The movie lifts my spirits every time I see it and makes me giggle like a happy child free from all the cares of the world that will in time come but have not yet intruded into this (temporarily by the film recreated) sheltered beach of my sunshine youth.

I was wondering, if it wouldn’t be too much to ask, if you could do something similar really quick, except this time also save democracy in the United States of America. Maybe something involving the January 6th march on the Capitol and Donald Trump’s other attempts to subvert the will of the people in the 2020 presidential election. A movie so charming and fun that none could resist listening to it, hearing what it would say as it would speak the gentle but firm truth about the evil that the Republicans were and are responsible for. This movie would be fun but also true, it would be funny but also real; in short, it would be like The Other Guys, but it would depict Donald Trump trying to steal the election and it would ask us all to pause and consider what we really think about handing our nation over to the man who would be king. And so, in the fun and frolic and shared joy befitting a still free people, we would together turn away from this folly and support candidates who want to continue serving a democratic republic, a nation of the People, by the People, for the People.

We had the thought, “that’s even funnier than Jesus Christ!”
But then we were like, Jesus is not known for his humor.
But then we had the theological insight that if he’s the best human, he must be the best at everything, including humor. So then we realized that we had proven that they edited all of Jesus’s best lines out of the Bible. Why? What’s the cover up? What was the punchline that was too dangerous for the world???

Oh, and this letter is to all the supporting actors and actresses too from The Other Guys. You didn’t get to be the headliner in that movie, but you were still be part of something special; and in the movie we are here suggesting, everyone will be the star because we are proposing a movie about the beauty of everyone together sharing both the responsibility and the privilege of governing these United States. Especially Michael Keaton, for his portrayal of Captain Gene, do we want to include in this shout-out. And also he was Batman in the very best superhero movie ever made. And I think he also played Beetlejuice, but I’m gonna check on that (just kidding, I already know).

Like for example the part where Sheila’s mother has to relay messages between Sheila and Alan, and all the messages are terribly raunchy sexual fantasies, requests, and promises. A funny idea; well-executed; and then here we are watching it, laughing, because it is so funny. Although it is also kind of painful and sometimes I have to stop watching it for a while; like right now.

I don’t know how you’re going to do this. It’s gotta be just right: it’s gotta make people think through this moment and do what’s best for everyone; they can’t even let themselves get splintered on like third party candidates; they have to really actually make sure Trump doesn’t win. Oh, unless you could do this movie like in the next couple weeks and have the presidential election be the relatively safe Nikki Haley versus Joseph Biden matchup, because in that matchup, we have what we used to take for granted: no matter who wins, we will keep our democracy and thus be able to self-correct.

The graphics at the end of the movie? Trump’s impeachment offenses versus Biden’s? And the reactions of congress? Or what? I don’t know, but we need to have graphics at the end.

Signed,

B Willard
A Whistletown (I also like it)
AM Watson (I do too, and I am needed here because I count as a legal entity / copyright holder)